Don’t cross the streams

I’m keeping two identities at the moment. This one and the more public one. I’m not going to say it isn’t confusing because it is, both for me and all of you.

The most common question I get is “what should I call you?” The answer is largely what it’s always been: whatever gets my attention. Spoiler: my birth name will basically never get my attention because I haven’t used it outside my family and select other groups for fifteen years.

Fifteen years is a long time to be called a name that isn’t yours. And it never has been mine, though I made it mine. It was originally my cousin’s nickname, transferred to me by a mutual acquaintance. Then in my first week at uni, a foreign student was nicknamed with my name and do I needed a new one. They settled on Yoda from amongst by various nicknames. Had circumstances been different, I might have been known as Gahlo instead.

When I was a student, it was very easy to claim it as my name. Now I’m older and possibly more mature, I find the flaws with it. It’s trademarked so I can’t use it online. It isn’t a name I’d want to go on paperwork. Mononyms are a pain in the ass for paperwork. I’ve been seeking a new name for myself for a while.

Not sure if I mentioned this before but I’ve essentially felt disconnected from my birth name for a long long time. I have clear memories of being dissatisfied with it all the way cant in primary school. Bursts of being proud of the Norse link from my last name and always liking my middle but not how it would be shortened. But I didn’t know what to do with those feelings – I’m not sure I ever expressed them at the time. So they’ve just sat with me, much like many other dysphoric feelings.

And now I have forged this public identity as a LRPer and someone who runs LRP. I don’t want to lose those connections; I don’t want to start over; and I don’t want to let all of those people into a more private version of myself.

That is why this account has no photos of myself, no mentions of other names. Merely clues meant to provide insight for those who know me.

This has rather led to the second most asked question: “who are you?”

My name is Eligos, you may call me Yoda – I know I still do. Habits are hard to break.

This profile will largely be one of transition: where I talk about who I am and who I want to be, as well as whatever else comes to mind; the other will remain where I organise LRP stuff and share things I want to have a more public audience. Hopefully the confusion will settle down.

There is an element of “don’t cross the streams”. I’m terrible at it. But if you want to include me in something related to the wider community, best to use the other profile. I won’t mind. I’m deliberately not joining LRP groups with this profile so I don’t get notified twice on things and to establish the other profile as the public-facing one. If you want to inform someone of who this profile belongs to, I don’t mind that. Just be aware that I may not be open to sharing this space with them (yet).

Originally posted on Facebook